every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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