My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Everyone says I win the strip club
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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