There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Randomize
