i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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