Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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