Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
