Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
