thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
