I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
