You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize