I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
