Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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