I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
