I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
