Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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