Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
