i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
