If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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