Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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