Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
After tacos, we're chasing women.
All I want is dick and wine.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
