chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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