i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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