So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
