I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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