did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
