Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
