She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
