would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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