Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
