I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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