I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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