I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
