im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
