Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
