So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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