I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
