we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
