the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
