Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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