Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
