I like to think it a success when the cops are called
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
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