I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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