On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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