Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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