dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
