I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
where are you?
Hypothermia
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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