I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
All I want is dick and wine.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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