i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
