Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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