i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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