Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
