You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize