Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
