he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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