She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
