Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
