well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
