Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
