Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
