I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
