ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
