I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
