Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
