I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
two words...techno handjob
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
