OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize