she is the kim kardashian of front butts
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
