good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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