omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
